This Is the End.
I love painting so much. I love it more than anything right now.
Yes, even music.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
I think maybe it is because it’s instant gratification. All the things I love about music, painting gives me every day. It used to be that a concert would give me this feeling, this instant happiness. Sometimes now it just feels like a “show” (which is what a lot of people call it). I don’t really consider myself a “performer”. I know some people who would tell me that I’m in the wrong line or work, or I don’t take my job seriously. It’s just who I am. I’m just being honest with you.
I’ve spent a lot of time in my life assessing music and what it means to me. Every time you get knocked down, especially as you get older, you have to look around and take stock, ask yourself some important questions and decide if you can keep going like this.
Every time I ask myself these questions, I learn a little more. About myself, what I truly value, what the whole thing means to me…stuff like that. I realize that it’s the excitement of Making that keeps me around. The creating. The writing. Recording. It doesn’t matter what job I have or what else is going on in my life, I will always do these things.
Sometimes aspects of it get in the way. It’s ok, then I just stop. I really like to write, I think because it activates the part of my brain that says “You are learning something” or “You are making something”. When outside influences get involved and projects get put on hold, my brain goes through this anxious state of confusion before it just…moves on.
It’s ok, it’s just time to learn something else. Make something else. That is where my happiness comes from. In the making.
So much in music is so drawn out. If it were up to me I’d make a couple albums a year. Unfortunately, that is not in the budget. Sometimes people ask me about “Writer’s Block”. I think it’s a sign that you should not write. I don’t worry about it anymore…I know that the writing will come back. It’s almost like it’s linked to the doing and the learning. When it gets stalled, I fumble around until I get a fix. We are all just poor passing facts. We are all just drug addicts.
So I started painting.
I’m working on “Nine” right now, the ninth in the Numbered Series, which means that nine months ago I started painting. Wow! It sure has been fun.
Right now we are going through a blitz of painting before I leave for tour and then I am going to stop. Not painting, I’m not going to stop painting. Not music, I’m not going to stop music. I’m simply going to stop putting paintings on eBay for you to bid on.
Why? Because I’m making a section on this site where all my paintings will live and if someone wants to buy them, great. So far I have not kept one of my paintings. I consider them all a part of me Learning and Making. I wouldn’t say I have mastered the learning and the making of paintings, but I certainly learned something about myself. I learned that I love painting. I love it so much. More than anything right now. So much so that I would like for it to be my job. Well, at least one of them.
So this is the end. This is the end of me trying to be a painter and the beginning of me, being a painter. I love painting so much I’m going to really give it a shot. If you get a chance, try and get your hands on a painting while they are up for auction because after this, I’m deciding the price mwa hahahaha 😉