goodbye, california

i am sitting here and i am feeling incredibly vulnerable.

today was super weird. i got evicted, amongst other things, from the house where i sat and wrote this song, goodbye, california, the 3rd in the free download series from the upcoming new album, ‘ours’.

it seems so far away, that moment, sitting there, not really knowing what to do, not really able to do much but write sad songs on the piano. it is funny how life is just a big circle. the other day someone asked me on formspring “have you ever had a time in your life when you felt like you weren’t yourself? what did you do to make it better?”

in my rare moments of clarity i sometimes feel like the answer to this is: Fall In To Your Passions.

whatever that is…making weird birdhouses, baking and never eating anything you bake (my mom does this), knitting tiny blue squids with googly eyes…whatever you love doing, just do that a bunch. if you want to be alone, be so alone. if you need to be around people, go be around every person. just do what ever you have to do to get back to you. you know the answer is already inside of you, most humans just do not listen to the forces that propel them towards what you they instinctively and ultimately desire. and i’m not talking about material items. maybe you’ve always wanted to live in the forest. go. go do it.
now.

so that is what i did. not literally, i did not go live in a forest, but i might as well have. it was a forest where the leaves were words and the twigs were notes, and the trunks were melodies tying like twine the rhythm and rhyme.

and here we are almost a year later, finally finally finally the song comes out and i am, oddly, in the exact same place. well, similar…thanksfully 😉

everything is a cycle, a circle
this whole world just a globe spinning
around and around

all we can hope for is that each spin we are something closer to
something
anything

i got to see a lot of incredible art recently
amazing art
the best there is on this planet

i think of these artists putting each tiny brush stroke up against the canvas
their noses almost covered in paint, staring so close at their next move
their next creation, formulating constantly a plan of attack
standing back and accessing every few moments
and for every spin around, they get a little closer

maybe they thought the last spin around was the best it could get
maybe the worst
but by the next spin you can bet one thing
it is always
always
different